Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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