ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
