the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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