Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
