I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
