I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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