i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
