I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
