there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
