I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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