I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
