Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
