how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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