yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Are we still banned from the library?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
