i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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