shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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