Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
