oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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