ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
