I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
