I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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