Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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