im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
