it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
