the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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