I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
