What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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