That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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