Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize