My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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