perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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