I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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