I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
