I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
