I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
