There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
