If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
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