p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
