Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize