I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
