Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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