speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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