So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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