New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
