I want to have your abortion
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
