Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
