you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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