did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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