Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
