What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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