i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize