If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
