your parents love me but you hate me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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