Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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