I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
