you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize