I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize