those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
