Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
