We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
