the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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