Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
