i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
