i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
