What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
try to milk me bitch
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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